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Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Headless Deer Turning Up in Northeastern Wisconsin

Bizarre and mysterious, with no adequate explanation.  Below appears the entirety of the longest article I could find on the matter, from the webpage of Wausau's local television station, WSAW 7.

"OCONTO, Wis. (AP) -- Conservation wardens say an increasing number of headless bucks have been found in northeastern Wisconsin.
State Department of Natural Resources warden Mike Stahl says investigators don't know why at least a half dozen bucks have been found without their heads since the last week of October.
The DNR say four were found in Oconto County's Little Suamico-Abrams area. One was found in the Town of Spruce and another in Marinette County.
Stahl tells WLUK-TV that because of various stages of decay, it's not known how all bucks were killed, however the DNR has been able to determine at least two were shot."

My current theories are:

1.  An alien advance scouting team took the heads for biometric sampling.  Having just read that half-witted senator elect Ron Johnson is supposedly human, the aliens identified the deer as Wisconsin's most intelligent life form by default and have focused their studies accordingly.

2.  The banks just stopped dicking around and are are getting SERIOUS about accelerating foreclosures, à la Vito Corleone “The Godfather”.

3.  These deer beheaded themselves out of grief and shame for having voted for such a thimblewitted flip-flopper as Scott Walker (R).  It must have come as a terrible shock to find that self-proclaimed job-creatin' fiscal-responsibility-machine not only planned to piss away $810 million in federal grants (destroying nearly 5,000 jobs in the process), but also threw away any last semblance of sanity or dignity.  Read about the slobbery hash Walker made of himself begging Spanish train company Talgo to remain in Wisconsin after he himself killed the projected that departing governor Jim Doyle (D) used to attract Talgo here in the first place.

Let's see here, out of the 250,000 jobs that Walker promised he'd create, he's destroyed about 5,000 .  That leaves only 255,000 to go.  But it's still early days.  We haven't seen exactly how his plan* to lay off state worker effect the situation . . .

*No really, you simply must take a look at the actual 68-page plan for yourself, linked at the bottom of the his website.  Not only will you be amazed at the batshit ass-foolery repitition of the Laffer Curve myth that has been long discredited, but you may never get another chance to see what a government policy statement written in 58.5 point font looks like.  It looks like a 10-year old did the graphic design on the thing. 

Might it be worthwhile to do some research to see whether Scotty boy's been siphoning any of his campaign funds through "consulting work" contracted to his kids?  Some have already raised the suggestion that Walker's seemingly incomrpehensible jobicide with regard to this rail project may have arisen from a noteworthy financial arrangement;  Walker's received an unprecedented level of support from the competing road builders' industry.

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